Over the past year, there is one lesson God has been teaching me that I can say with certainty. That lesson is to cling to him.
I'm graduating college in a few weeks, and I have no plan for the next few months.
But I don't feel stressed by that. I used to. I used to feel overwhelmed by the sheer amount of things that would change. This fall I felt the pressure to figure out my life for the next five years--to know where I'd live, where I'd work, if I'd be married, if I'd have kids, all before I'd even completed the degree.
So I prayed. I begged God for direction. I asked him where he wanted me, what job he wanted me to do, where he wanted me to work within the industry I'd been studying.
For about a month, I felt pretty certain that he was calling me to try freelancing. So I studied it. I learned how to do it so I could be successful if it came to it. I put things in place so everything would be set when he brought me jobs.
I prepared myself to answer the inevitable question "What are you doing after college?" with the words, "I'm going to be a freelance writer/editor. I'll take some time to work on my novel, and take jobs as I can get them."
Then January came along, and the prospect of moving to a big city housing at least one of the big publishing houses and working for that publishing house seemed to be what God was calling me to.
So I prayed again, confronting the reality that it sounded really nice, confessing that I wanted it more than I'd ever wanted anything (as far as I could remember). And I prepared to move in that direction. I looked into housing. I looked into budgeting. I looked into the job openings. I looked into paid internships in those publishing houses. I learned about the cities, their crime rates, transportation systems, and economies. The only thing I didn't do was visit them all to know if I actually wanted to live there.
Then spring came, and reality settled in. Dreaming about the future is nice and all, but first you have to guarantee you'll get there. Applying for jobs in those dream cities would do no good if I failed my classes and didn't finish my degree. So I buckled down to do the work to ensure my future, all the while juggling my career options in the back of my mind.
Freelance? Internship? Edit? Look into jobs outside of the publishing industry and in the communications world? Take a gap year? Work on my novel? Keep going with the internship I'm currently doing and use that as a gap year? Travel? But what about finances? Get paid to travel and write? That would be nice. How do you do that? Oh, have a social media following large enough to qualify as an "influencer." Ok, how do you do that?
Finish the degree.
In the midst of all those swirling thoughts, it felt like God grabbed my shoulders and gave me a single, solid shake.
"Jori. Are you paying attention?"
In my confusion, I gestured to my options. "What am I supposed to choose?"
"Jori, I'm right here. You have these wants. You have this confusion. You have desires and ambitions and I gave you all of those. Now I want you to give them back to me. Are you okay if I tell you to freelance?"
"Yes." I handed it over.
"Are you okay if I tell you to work in a big city?"
I handed it over. "Yes."
"Are you okay if I tell you to travel?"
"Yes." My pile grew smaller.
"Are you okay if I don't tell you anything at all?"
I glanced at the pile. Its substance dimmed in the presence of my God. I turned back to him.
"Yes."
He took my hands, and I understood.
It doesn't matter where I go, or what I do. It doesn't matter if I move into a career immediately or if I take a gap year. If he wants me to go or do, I will go and do.
But the important thing is that I cling to him. He holds the future. He knows my thoughts, my wants, my dreams, my goals. He knows the timing. He knows where and when I'll be needed.
In the meantime, I've prepared for anything. I'm ready with my net for when he sends fish my way.
To chase after God means living differently than those around us. Some chase after relationships. Some chase after careers. Some chase after wealth and security. To choose to follow God where he goes, to be with him no matter what it means for my life, means my life will not make sense to those who look on from the outside.
This is something I've come to understand.
I hear him ask, "Are you okay with that?"
J. J. Hanna is a writer and reader who loves God and wants to help encourage others with what she knows and what she's learning. Answer her questions with a quick note and connect with her on social media. She's excited to hear from you!
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