I love stories. I love fiction and fairytales. Growing up, they always gave me space to engage with the things of life in ways I could understand. I didn't have words for depression, but I could talk about a scene that I identified with. I could talk about a character and what I liked about them. When I chose favorite characters, I didn't choose them because they were carefree or because they were funny. I chose them because I understood them. More than that, I could use them to help others understand me.
But over the past weekend I've felt a greater connection to real things... real people, real life, the real space I occupy. I imagine part of that is because I'm growing up. But another part of that is that I'm growing closer and closer to the only truly real being--I'm growing closer to God.
Up until this point I wasn't ready for what it meant to be in relationship with God. You don't ask a two-year-old to help carry the weight of your stress at work. You don't ask a two-year-old to have an equal part in your home responsibilities. They're not ready for it yet. They may think they are, but as the adult, you know better. But even then, you don't invite an immature teenager into the family business. You wait until they ask for more responsibility. You wait until you agree that they're ready for and willing to do the job.
Just to be clear, in this analogy, I was the two-year-old. I was the teenager not ready to step into the family business, even though I thought I was nearly there.
This is the beginning of my growth. The more time I spend engaging with the Holy Spirit and learning about, practicing, and engaging with the the skills and desires God put in me, the more peace and enjoyment I find in the real world.
The need to escape to some far off land where things make sense disappears. For once, things make sense right where I am.
What a blessing it is to be invited into God's family business! Jason Gray says it well in one of his older songs, "Jesus, Use Me, I'm Yours," when he says:
If you would choose to use me my Savior In spite of my fears and all of my failures I'm not much to look at But whatever I am, I'm yours
I am desperately wanting To please you With all that I am And I know that you don't need me But if you want me, I'm yours.
Find peace in reality with me today. Use Jason's song as a prayer. Here's a link to the song on YouTube. Just listen to it on repeat. Let it be the song of your heart.
It can be immensely difficult to be in the reality of each moment. But it is immensely easier to be in God's reality, to be in the space with him and to try to comprehend all that he is. You'll never reach the end of who he is, but it's one of the best ways to worship him.
I know that you don't need me, but if you want me, I'm yours.
J. J. Hanna is a writer and reader who loves God and wants to help encourage others with what she knows and what she's learning. Answer her questions with a quick note and connect with her on social media. She's excited to hear from you!
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