Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”
Matthew 12:30-31 NIV
These are words we hear often in Christian circles. After all, this is a direct instruction from Jesus. And the question was asked "who is my neighbor?" but the question was never asked (that I know of, and I may be wrong) "how do you love?"
We get a hint of how to love in what's come to be known as the golden rule:
So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.
Matthew 7:12 NIV
Do to others what you would have them do to you.
This is easy to misread. After all, it seems to be saying that I should do for others what I want them to do for me. We often read this as action. As an example, I often want space to deal with the things of life. I want space to live and breathe and function as a human in this world independent of others, not because I don't like others, but because I also like solitude.
If I read this verse as "do to others" in terms of action, my way of loving others would be by giving them space to function and figure things out on their own.
But that isn't necessarily what it would look like to love them.
I've tried to give them a solution I would want, when perhaps they don't want a solution at all.
At the base of it all, I want people to ask how they can best love me. I don't want love in a blanket, cover all the bases form. I want personalized love that proves they had me in mind.
I don't think I'm alone in that.
I cannot adequately love people the way I would love myself. It may not be love to them. Instead, I must learn how they would love themselves and then love them in that way.
Loving your neighbor means knowing your neighbor. It means knowing them so intimately that you know what they need and meet that need.
That means it doesn't always look the same.
Some days, I need to be left alone so I can finish the tasks on my to-do list and live in a healthy rhythm of sleep, awake, work, and social life. That means that sometimes loving me means like leaving me alone.
But other days, loving me looks a lot more like being with me, asking me about my day, engaging in something I love with me, doing something you may not like but that you know I like because you love me.
But the first step of love is listening and assessing, and if not assessing, then asking, and then respecting the answer.
Love isn't simple. It must be customized. The only way to customize is to ask and listen.
So love your neighbors. Get to know them. Then give them what they actually need and want, not just what you think they need or want.
J. J. Hanna is a writer and reader who loves God and wants to help encourage others with what she knows and what she's learning. Answer her questions with a quick note and connect with her on social media. She's excited to hear from you!
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